Apr 29, 2010

Seriously, Oprah? Rielle?

Never underestimate the power of a fresh “one”-insert snarky reference coined by @Joy Behar (dislike)

Edwards seemingly had it all...money, power, career, wife, kids, and great hair. Unsatisfied with having it all, he needed ….index finger tapping on temple mmmmmm….something; something more to reach that oft unreachable apotheosis moment...a fresh “one”.


In the interest of “E” for everyone, a metaphor:

It is suggested that the reason why people love to shop relates to the concept that serotonin increases when the brain is exposed to something new. New stimulates us. Retail therapy works. So instead of say, buying a new suit, or indulging in a new hair cut, or enjoying one of the few days left on this earth with Elizabeth, Edwards looked for a storefront that offered something that could combine both new and fresh with risk and secrecy, not to mention the possibility of the big O -a term from the seventies that is not at all consistent with 0’bama-

Think of Edwards as a purposeful, thoughtful consumer of “ones”.
He recognized that his current brand choice was soon to be removed altogether from the marketplace. It would become, in fact, obsolete. Rather than wait for that day, and suffer from post purchase dissonance, it was time to evaluate alternative brand(s).

Enter; Rielle's-being metaphorically correct here- “offering”. The Rielle storefront - a well shopped destination-was seeking to expand its clientele...tired of the same humdrum patrons. Influencing a brand loyal customer to switch brands is the ultimate competitive coup. Once she secured her client she decided to track consumption patterns by documenting one shopper’s experience as he acquainted himself with the ambiance of his surroundings. Further, Rielle concluded that the recording of this demonstration/testimonial may be a great tactic, perhaps, for enticing others to jump on the bandwagon.

We shant blame Edwards as his anthropological instincts drove him to toss the other things in his life aside and succumb to primal urges. We shall blame him as a human being, a soul, and individual versed on the qualities of moral character.

For the sake of the Edwards-Rielle offspring, let’s guide the innocent away from the family business.

Apr 27, 2010

Citizens outraged. Illegal immigration is now illegal.

Just saw the blog o sphere going post traumatic....the "law" in Arizona has people in frenzy. Seems that the rounding up of illegal aliens should not be legal or constitutional. Seems that we should be pleased as punch that illegals are putting a strain on education, welfare, health care, law enforcement et al.

The big issue with the new law is that horrible catch phrase "racial profiling".

RISKY THING TO SAY: I am a victim of profiling, and I, gulp, I see its purpose. It's logical. It's cost effective, but gee, ouch, it hurts peoples' feelings. Therefore, as only in America, we cannot do that which might cause pain.

(Big crescendo of music here, Oprah style)
"and callmedebutante, tell us the voyers, in your own words, how you are a victim of profiling?"

Me: "give me a moment, can we go to a commercial while I catch my breath?"

Dramatic music, camera pulls away

Insert thirty second commercial for some 3g network or Mac vs. pc here.

kinder, gentler music, close up on callmedebutante wiping mascara

Me: "The other day, I was buying some typical everyday justcallmedebutante groceries: milk, eggs, bread, Motrin, chocolate, cheese popcorn, Graeters black raspberry chip ice cream, fudge sauce, marshmallow sauce, and a rag magazine. And do you know what? That store there has a magic machine that has a miniature person in there watching you and thinking real hard thoughts and then in a couple of seconds that miniature person tells the magic coupon machine to spit out a coupon for -gasp-Tampax! Just because I filled out that card with my name and phone number and zip code and HAPPENED to be buying a few items of extreme urgency, does NOT mean I was menstruating. I was a victim of profiling. - Okay, so maybe I was menstruating, but there is no way that miniature person in that magic coupon machine would know that without asking me-"

OPRAH: (reaching her hands to hold callmedebutante's) "A chilling story of how hurtful profiling in America has become. Let's talk to a psychic and a psycho analyst to find out what each of us can do to overcome profiling"
See...Tampax has been profiling me...and so far it is legal. Because, it really does make sense...it is logical, and professional, and effective and efficient and strategic and all things that solid organizations like the makers of Tampax do to stay in business, to make profits so that we can invest in them and retire and pay taxes so that illegal aliens can soak us.

I vote for profiling. I am not against it. And if I can be menstruating AND have my feelings hurt and NOT call Kroger or Tampax people and cry "UNCONSTITUTIONAL" and "OUTRAGEOUS" well, then a couple of legal immigrants, or home grown USA immigrant/behavioral/demographic/psychographic/geographic-a-likes can handle being asked if they are supposed to be here.

Betcha (there I go being Sarah-Palinish) if we gave them a coupon for their troubles it would be just peachy. Course, the coupon couldn't be for tostados or anything profiley, just Tampax.